Texting Hawkmoth: A Miraculous Ladybug Tale
by Lady Syrinx
Summary: Ladybug and Cat Noir realize if they can text each other, then why not Hawkmoth? Hawkmoth may get a little more than he bargained for when he replies, confirming this theory.
1. Chapter 1: The Experiment

"Hey, so if we can text each other, do you think we can text Hawkmoth?" Ladybug asked Cat Noir as her Miraculous Ladybug finished cleaning up Paris.

Cat Noir stared at her, dumbstruck, before an evil grin spread across his face. "Only one way to find out. Say cheese, M'lady!" Cat Noir held up his baton and Ladybug barely managed to get a smile on her face before the Kitty snapped a picture of them.

"What are you going to say?" Ladybug asked, curious.

"Hmmm. Good question. How about 'Failed again. Nice try Hawkmoth, but let's be honest, we're always going to kick your Butt-erflies." Ladybug groaned at the pun. "What, no good?"

"You might as well. We don't even know if he'll get it," Ladybug replied.

Cat Noir grinned, pressing send to the butterfly miraculous. A few seconds later it gave a slight buzz.

"Did he respond?" Ladybug asked curiously, trying to check over his shoulder.

"You know it's rude to read other people's texts. Next thing you know you'll be stealing phones!" Cat Noir teased.

"Oh, be quiet and tell me what he said already!" Ladybug snapped back, a slight blush creeping under her mask. Little did he know that she actually _had_ stolen a couple phones as a civilian. The black cat grinned at getting a rise out of her so easily.

Turning to his baton he informed, "He said, 'Don't get so cocky little heroes. Soon my butterflies will kick your butts and your miraculous will be mine!'"

Ladybug snorted. "He couldn't defeat us with an entire army of akumas, including three superheroes. I think it's about time he surrenders."

"Oh, you should tell him that!" Cat Noir said excitedly, looking at her from over his baton. Ladybug rolled her eyes but pulled out her yo-yo anyway, typing it and pressing send to the butterfly miraculous.

Thirty seconds later and her yo-yo buzzed with a text alert. She clicked on it. "'Pride comes before the fall. Soon you will be squashed like the insolent bug you are.'" They looked at each other, not sure whether to laugh or roll their eyes. "Goodness, I feel like I'm getting fortune cookie fortunes from a very salty baker," she told Cat Noir.

"Right? This is entertaining. I vote we do this after every akuma attack!" he told her excitedly.

Ladybug smiled at her partner. "Well, we might as well have some way of getting back at him, I suppose," she agreed.

"Great, now I can hang out with the girl of my dreams and mock a supervillain during akuma attacks! I'm going to look forward to kicking evil's butt with you even more now!" Cat Noir said excitedly.

"Don't you mean, kick evil's butt-erflies?" Ladybug asked dryly.

Cat Noir's eyes lit up. "I do now," he said, a grin on his face. "See you next time, M'Lady."

"See you, Kitty," she replied, a fond smile on her face. The two heroes went their separate ways.

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Meanwhile, in Hawkmoth's Lair...

Hawkmoth grinned to himself. He hadn't realized he could text the superheroes. Now he could get to them in another way. He grinned at his cane as he thought of all the practice with psychological warfare he'd had in order to get his akumas in line. What a fortuitous twist of fate! Now he could do the same directly to Cat Noir and Ladybug!

**Author's Note:**

Thanks for reading! I hope you like this little idea! If you want to see more of Cat Noir and Ladybug sassing Hawkmoth, stay tuned-there will be more to follow! This was mostly setting up the idea for future scenarios. Also, I can't take credit for the butterfly pun, I saw it online in a Miraculous comic and when I started writing this I realized it was perfect for the situation. The comic is here if you want to look at it: image/169918985330.


	2. Chapter 2: Le Bombardier

**Author's intro:** Sorry about this, but this particular chapter got real dark real fast, so…. For this chapter only, rating is Teen, don't read unless you're 13 or older please. Thank you! Hopefully future chapters are a bit less dark and put more emphasis on humor again! Enjoy!

**In which our heroes and villain discover the consequences of starting a flame war….**

Ladybug threw her lucky charm in the air, shouting, "Miraculous Ladybug!" That done, she turned to her partner who was holding little baby August in his arms. He admittedly looked pretty sweet holding the cooing baby. She shook her head. None of that! She was in love with Adrien Agreste!

"Oh, he's such a cutie! How could Hawkmoth target this precious little bundle?" Ladybug cooed, leaning over August and holding one of his tiny hands in hers.

"Right? What does he even expect a baby to be able to do? He never stays focused on us and all he wants to do is eat things," Cat Noir said, a frown on his face.

"Stupid idiot," Ladybug growled, scowling. "I hate Hawkmoth. He is literally the worst!" Cat Noir nodded his agreement.

Just then, her yo-yo buzzed. Frowning, she pulled it out. It was from Hawkmoth. She opened it.

"What does it say?" Cat Noir asked, looking at her.

"Look at the pathetic heroes of Paris, not even able to protect a little baby from me. This wouldn't happen if you just gave me your miraculous," Ladybug read. Fury spread across her face. "Oh, when we find him he is _so_ dead. He deliberately is targeting babies!" she fumed.

Cat Noir scowled. "He really is the worst," he agreed. "We have to come up with a killer comeback to that."

Ladybug looked up at him, fire still in her eyes. "Definitely. No more Miss Nice Ladybug!" She turned her attention back to her yo-yo, thinking. Then an evil smile crept up her face. She began typing.

A bit later she looked up, pleased with herself. "How about this? 'Oh hey Hawkmoth! Cat Noir and I were just discussing how easy to defeat your villains are getting. I mean, a baby? Really? Was this supposed to be our day off or something? If you're trying to get a message across to us I'm sorry to say the only one we got is that you're a freaking idiot. Like complete moron. Possibly the stupidest person alive. I mean, do you even think about your akumas before you send them after us? The baby you sent spent most the time ignoring us and looking for a lollipop. Though it didn't matter that he was distracted because even if he could focus on us, how was he supposed to get our miraculous? He was HUGE! He couldn't have grabbed our earrings or ring even if he wanted to. Not that a baby has the coordination to get ahold of superheroes anyway. And even if he did get our miraculous, he's a baby! He would have eaten them, not brought them to you. But then again maybe you like digging through crap. Probably makes you feel right at home.'"

Cat Noir grinned wickedly. "Love it!" Ladybug smirked and pressed send.

After a few seconds Ladybug frowned. "Kitty, do you think it's bad of us to do this? Like, are we cyberbullying him or something?"

He thought about that for a second. "I mean, he's killed people, almost destroyed the world, taken advantage of people's pain, tried to enslave and destroy Paris multiple times, brainwashes people into doing his will, misuses his miraculous, and willingly chose to be a supervillain, and this is the only way we can give him any sort of punishment. This isn't some poor highschooler or anonymous person online. He deserves a lot worse than us making fun of him—I mean, these villains could kill us! Besides, hopefully we can mess him up so that we can stop him, since this is our only lead so far."

Ladybug gave her partner a half smile. "I guess you're right," she said. Just then her yo-yo buzzed again.

"Oh, what'd he say?" Cat Noir asked excitedly.

Ladybug opened it, then read aloud, "So it's a powerful villain you want, little heroes? Just you wait, what I have coming next will frighten you so badly you will give up your miraculous without a fight!" Ladybug frowned. "Um, that doesn't sound good."

"I'm sure it's his normal exaggerations," Cat Noir assured her.

"Yeah, I guess you're probably—"

BOOM!

Both superheroes flinched as a deafening explosion blew up the Eiffel Tower. They looked at where the tower had been, now replaced with a cloud of noxious smoke.

"Crap!" Ladybug exclaimed. "Cat Noir take August back to his mom and recharge. I'll recharge too—we're going to need Lucky Charm to defeat that villain!"

"Right, M'lady!" Cat Noir said, extending his baton and taking off. Ladybug threw her yo-yo and swung away, looking for a good place to detransform and recharge.

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Hawkmoth looked out his butterfly window, insides churning with fury. How dare Ladybug say those things about him! He wasn't a crap heap, he was trying to save his wife! Malignant bug. He'd show her! It had been just his luck that a veteran had been having a PTSD flashback right as the insolent bug had insulted him.

She wanted to see what he could do? She wouldn't live long enough to regret her mistake. No more Mr. Nice Hawkmoth.

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Ladybug looked in dismay over the city. It was in flames, not a single building that she could see was without damage. She turned in concern to look at her little band of heroes—she'd only been able to get Queen Bee, Rena Rouge and Carapace along with Cat Noir. This was going to be rough. If only she'd had Viperion earlier, he could have undone it all and kept her from sending that stupid text. Infuriating Hawkmoth turned out to be a very bad idea.

"What's the plan, M'lady?" Cat Noir asked, looking at her expectantly. She looked over the city. How were they supposed to get close enough when Le Bombardier was able to blow up everything he saw? They had Carapace, who could protect some of them, but another would have to go behind and get his akuma. And she had no idea where it was hiding. They hadn't gotten close enough for her to figure it out.

She didn't usually use it this early, but she didn't feel like she had much choice. "Lucky Charm!" she cried, throwing her yo-yo in the air.

A ladybug-patterned can of bear spray fell into her hands. Of course! He wouldn't be able to see if they got him with this! Though it would be quite the trick to get close enough. She looked around the city, beginning to compile a list of things that she would need. "I have a plan!" she said, tucking the spray into her yo-yo bag.

A few minutes later they were sneaking carefully toward Le Bombardier, Rena Rouge having used Mirage to turn them invisible. Ladybug lifted her yo-yo, about ready to wrap up Le Bombardier so that Carapace and Cat Noir could pepper spray his face.

But then, suddenly, a butterfly flew out of a cane he was holding and soon turned white. Meanwhile, purple smoke enveloped Le Bombardier. When it cleared, an elderly man with a cane stood there, blinking in confusion and clearly frightened. Ladybug's jaw dropped. Had Hawkmoth purified his own akuma? Why?

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Hawkmoth looked in horror at his burned house. _Emilie_, he thought. He had to save her. This akuma had gotten wildly out of hand. He felt for his mental connection and pulled the akuma from his victim, purifying it.

Now he just hoped that Ladybug's power could bring his wife back to how she was. He fell to his knees in despair. He'd never thought _he_ would be relying on the obnoxious bug to fix things. But here he was, hoping against hope that his enemy could fix his mistake.

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"Miraculous Ladybug!" a very confused Ladybug cried, throwing the unused can of bear spray into the air. Her magical ladybugs flitted around the city, fixing everything back to how it was and bringing people back to life. She sighed in relief, falling tiredly to her knees. That one had been a bit too intense. Rena and Carapace went to the victim, talking to him and trying to help him calm down. Queen Bee was standing between the two groups, watching uncomfortably as if she wasn't quite sure where she should go.

"Hey Ladybug, you OK?" Cat Noir asked, walking up to her and kneeling in front of her. She looked tiredly into his eyes.

"Not really. I feel like this was my fault," Ladybug said, looking down sadly and rubbing her arms.

"It wasn't. It was Hawkmoth's fault," he told her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"But I egged him on," Ladybug insisted sadly.

"Yeah, maybe we took it a bit far. But I think Hawkmoth took it farther than he meant to as well," Cat Noir said.

Ladybug looked at him in surprise. "You think that's why he purified his own akuma?" Ladybug asked.

"I don't see why else he would. Besides, Le Bombardier blew up most of the city. Probably blew up Hawkmoth's lair as well," Cat Noir pointed out. Loud laughter broke out behind them, making both of them jump.

"Hawkmoth blew up his own lair? Oh that is ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! What a pathetic villain!" Queen Bee exclaimed before laughter overtook her again. She bent over, hands on her knees, laughing. "Serves him right, too. It's about time he felt the fear the rest of us experience."

Ladybug and Cat Noir's lips were beginning to twitch at that. "You know, now that everything's fixed up, that is kind of funny. Apparently, he has a limit too," Cat Noir said, looking at Ladybug. She smiled weakly, starting to cheer up.

"Yeah, not only that, but can you imagine the look on his face when his own creation blew up his lair? Oh I wish I could have seen it! Him sitting there, thinking he's all smart, then BOOM! No more lair for him to hide his utterly ridiculous outfit in!" Queen Bee continued, encouraged by the lightening mood.

And with that mental image Ladybug and Cat Noir did start to laugh.

"What's going on?" Rena Rouge asked them, walking up.

"Hawkmoth blew up his own lair!" Queen Bee told her.

"Wait for real?" Rena asked, looking at the group.

"That's our best guess for why he purified his own akuma," Cat Noir explained. Rena snorted a brief, dark laugh at that.

"Serves him right. That poor man was startled by some firecrackers which set off his PTSD from his war days. Thought he was back to fighting and that's when we think Hawkmoth got him. I could kill Hawkmoth for that. It's one thing to target high schoolers going through drama, but to target an old man with mental illness from protecting his country? That's just sickening," she said. The mood sobered up immediately, no one quite sure what to say to that.

"So what was that about egging Hawkmoth on?" Queen Bee asked eventually.

"Oh, Ladybug and I figured out that we can text him, just like we can text all of you," Cat Noir explained. Ladybug nodded.

"And I sent him a nasty text making fun of him for akumatizing a baby earlier after he mocked us for not being able to protect said baby from him. Apparently he got really mad at my text because the next thing we knew Le Bombardier was blowing up the city," Ladybug explained, looking down in shame.

"We can text Hawkmoth?" Rena asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah," Ladybug replied.

"Oh he is so going to get it from me," Rena said.

"Not if he gets it from me first!" Queen Bee challenged.

"You're on, little bee!" Rena exclaimed, a glint in her eye.

"Hey, where'd Carapace go?" Ladybug asked.

"He went to take the old man back to his care facility," Rena explained. "We thought it was best he go since he wasn't going to run out of time on his transformation and so could come back to give you his miraculous." Ladybug nodded her approval.

"Ha! Got mine off first!" Queen Bee said triumphantly.

"Hey no fair! I was answering Ladybug's questions!" Rena exclaimed frustratedly, pulling the headjoint off her flute and opening it into a phone.

"Don't be a sore loser, stupid fox!" Queen Bee shot back. The two derailed into bickering as they fired off text after text to Hawkmoth, insulting, if their conversation was any indication, everything from his inhumane abuse of a veteran to his sense of fashion. They kept trying to one-up each other in their insults.

Just then Ladybug's earrings beeped, indicating that she had less than a minute before she detransformed. She looked around worriedly for Carapace, but he was no where in sight.

"I'm going to recharge and be back for the miraculouses," Ladybug explained, throwing her yo-yo around the chimney of a nearby house.

"Alright, see you soon M'lady," Cat Noir told her.

"Bye Ladybug!" Rena and Queen Bee said in almost perfect unison, still completely distracted by their texting. Ladybug rolled her eyes, then swung away.

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Hawkmoth looked out of his newly repaired butterfly window, relieved that Emilie was returned to her previous state. He couldn't believe he'd been so foolish! He needed to be more careful to keep akumas away from the house. Otherwise Emilie would go from comatose to dead.

He felt his cane buzz and opened the message. But as soon as he did so it flooded with text after text, but surprisingly not from Ladybug or Cat Noir. It was from the bee and fox miraculouses.

Bee: _Blew up your own lair, didn't you? What a pathetic villain! You should just give up, clearly you are utterly incompetent. Get a powerful akuman and can't protect yourself from them!_

Fox: _How dare you attack a poor sick old man! He could have died protecting your country and this is how you repay him? You'd better hope I'm not there when they catch you because if I am I will beat you senseless for this!_

Bee: _I have to wonder, what's up with the pathetically poorly designed akumas? I mean, I pulled it off, but all those others? What's with those color schemes? You colorblind or something? My mom can't believe that such lack of fashion sense exists in Paris. Says you ought to be banished for crimes against fashion. _

OK, that was a bit embarrassing. He was immediately glad that Audrey didn't know he was behind those akumas. He didn't actually get to pick how their designs turned out, but no one else knew that. Except Nathalie, of course.

Fox: _Forget fashion, what's with your strategy? You keep reusing akuma powers when they didn't work the first time. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? _

Bee: _Fox is right. You are stupid, and obviously insane. Clearly with me helping her, Ladybug is going to succeed. And I was able to help her even after you sent your pathetic, utterly ridiculous bird after me. By the way, tell Mayura hi from me. Ask her how it feels to have her butt kicked by a high school girl. Oh wait, you don't need to—you already know! But if she tries to steal my miraculous again so that Ladybug can't bring it to me I'm going to be having a peacock BBQ after I kick her butt. _

Fox: _I'm with Bee girl. Keep messing with us and you're the ones who are going to pay. _

Bee: _Got to go. If you're stupid enough to keep going after Ladybug and Cat Noir's miraculous, you'll be hearing from me again. You can look forward to my texts every time from now on, you utterly ridiculous butterfly. _

Fox: _You'll hear from me too. Nobody hurts our Ladybug and Cat Noir!_

And with that, the barrage finally ended. Hawkmoth turned to look at Emilie, who looked so beautiful and yet frail and sickly too. He placed a gloved hand on her life support machine, sighing sadly. Much as he hated to admit it, perhaps the heroes were right. He was failing miserably.

**Author's Note:**

Thank you all for your comments, favorites, follows, etc! And especially thanks to those of you who took the time to leave reviews! You're really the best and I'm glad you're enjoying this! It makes me so happy! More to come, if you enjoy this and you haven't yet, please favorite or follow so that you can continue to enjoy the text wars of Ladybug and Cat Noir with their hero friends vs. Hawkmoth.

Sorry that this chapter went a little dark. I didn't see that one coming… Writing's weird like that. Future chapters probably won't be quite this dark! This was intended to be a comedy from the start.

I love hearing from you and reading reviews! I certainly have ideas for this, but if you have any ideas you'd like to see, feel free to leave them in a review! I can't guarantee I'll get all of them, but if I do use one you gave me, I will give you credit in an author's note! I've already gotten some fun reviews that have given me some ideas Thanks and talk to you next time!


	3. Chapter 3: A New Hobby

_Author's__Note_: Sorry this update has taken so long. I've been working on some other projects and such, but I decided I had an idea for the next chapter and should write and post it. Hope you enjoy!

Marinette tossed and turned but could _not_ get to sleep. Her mind kept playing over and over her conversation with Adrien earlier that day.

All he'd done was ask how her day was going. And what had she said? What had her stupid, tongue-tied mouth come up with?

"You're fine! I mean I'm fine! I mean today's gooreat. Grood. I mean, um, uh, I…" Her words had gained such incoherence by then that she couldn't even remember them exactly. And he, perfect angel boy that he was, just stood there with a look of mild confusion as he tried to follow her moronic stuttering.

Ugh! What was wrong with her? All her friends could act like a normal human being around their crushes. So why couldn't she?

She turned, looking at Tikki, who had fallen asleep shortly after midnight, when Marinette had politely pretended like she was no longer obsessing. She looked at the clock. 2:30am.

Ugh. A little over four hours before she needed to get up for school. She sighed dramatically, throwing off her covers. If she wasn't going to sleep she might as well do something productive.

"Wha-Marinette?" Tikki asked, blinking her little blue eyes sleepily. Marinette blushed slightly. She hadn't meant for her dramatics to wake up Tikki.

"Sorry. I just can't sleep," she told her little Kwamii.

"Why not?" Tikki asked.

"I just can't stop thinking about….nevermind. I just can't fall asleep."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No…" then an idea took hold in Marinette's mind. She grinned stupidly, having been seized by the genius that only takes ahold of the sleep-deprived human brain.

"Yes," Marinette said excitedly. "Tikki, Spots on!"

"Wha-" Tikki started before she got sucked into Marinette's earrings.

Transformed, Marinette pulled out her yo-yo, an evil smile lighting her face. Oh yes. This would be fun.

She may not be good with words around Adrien, but Hawkmoth, Hawkmoth she could trash talk and throw down with any day. She giggled almost maniacally (the stress and sleep deprivation was getting to her) as she began typing furiously.

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It was a good day to be Hawkmoth, or at least, that's how Gabriel Agreste felt. The negative emotions of a visiting professional athlete had pinged him as he worked on his latest project-a purse that would make even Gucci sit up and beg.

But he would have time for that later. Right now, he had a greater mission. Athletes already had physical prowess and abilities. With what he could add to them as Hawkmoth, he would surely win this day.

He grinned excitedly as his elevator dinged open into his lair. Today would be the day. He could feel it, deep in his bones.

"Soon, my love," he whispered to Emilie before strolling to his window. "Nooroo, Dark Wings, Rise!" He said. Nooroo gave his customary pathetic whimper as he was sucked into the pin. Gabriel sneered at the sound. What a pathetic servant. Nooroo was lucky he was useful.

The transformative light faded and Hawkmoth began to reach out….

Until his cane started buzzing like a chainsaw and beeping hysterically, that is. He gave a slight yelp that he told himself was a gentlemanly grunt and dropped the cane.

"Merde," he murmured to himself, glaring at the staff. It continued to buzz and beep, baffling him. It took nearly a full minute to stop. He approached it cautiously, unsure of what had happened. Picking it up, he checked it. It buzzed again when he touched it, but this time he didn't lose his grip on the stupid thing, though he did jump slightly.

Scowling, he realized a light was flashing at the top of his cane. He opened it.

_147 unread messages_

_8 voicemails_

"What the-?" he asked himself, confused. He clicked on the messages. They were all, _all 147 of them_, from the Ladybug Miraculous.

"Don't kids have anything better to do than text?" Hawkmoth complained to the empty basement. "This is ridiculous!"

He almost set it aside, but curiosity, curiosity and an instinct borne of the age of instant information and of the phone being of primary importance, won out.

He clicked to open the messages.

Skimming them, he wondered, both because of the content and the times they'd been sent, if Ladybug had been drunk when she texted him. He'd thought she was too young for that, but now he wondered.

He kept skimming and skimming. He flinched when she started going into detail about how _horrible, _in fact, _utterly abysmal_, his fashion sense was. Her exact words were,

_Thanks for always giving us extra incentive to fight your villains. I mean, such deplorable, abysmal fashion fills me with a rage that fuels my need to rid the city of your atrocities. _

_Not only have you filled our fair city with crimes, but you continuously commit crimes against fashion. If we don't rid the city of you soon you will single handedly destroy Paris's reputation for fine fashion. _

_I don't know how you sleep at night with the atrocities you've created._

He wasn't absolutely sure that the last one was aimed at his fashion sense, but it had still needled at his fashionista pride.

Shaking that off, he decided to listen to the voicemails. Ladybug sounded both tired and angry. She ranted and teased and mocked him and he couldn't get a single background noise distinct and unique enough to place where she might have been when she left them.

Frustrated, he snapped the cane closed with more force than necessary.

"Now, where was I?" he asked himself, reaching out for a butterfly. That was when he realized it.

He stopped, horrified, mortified by his mistake.

"No!" He screamed, so furious and angry that if he had been anyone else, he would have been a great person to akumatize.

Because, in his curiosity, the professional athlete he'd intended to target had calmed down. He'd missed his chance for ultimate victory.

He threw his cane across the room, growling furious curses under his breath.

"Oh, you'll pay for this trick, you little merde-bug. You'll pay dearly." Growling with fury, he turned on his heel, detransforming as he stalked back to his secret elevator.

Nooroo, for his part, was struggling not to laugh, though Gabriel was too caught up in his own drama to notice. "Well played, Ladybug," he murmured, taking joy in his little rebellious words, too quiet for Gabriel to hear.

_Author's Note: _Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the latest installment of texting insanity! If you want to be notified of updates, don't forget to follow! If you enjoyed it, I always appreciate a favorite! If you want to be notified of other stories I am working on, I would be flattered if you tapped that favorite authors button:) I always love getting your ideas and feedback, so feel free (and encouraged!) to leave comments.

Have a wonderful day!


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